Grieving the Loss of Touch

In this time of great separation, isolation and restrictions I struggle with not being of service in the best way I know how – offering healing, caring touch and empowering wellness. My hands are grieving the people who may need touch right now: those who aren’t dealing with the current global situation in a positive way, those who are home feeling more overwhelmed, stressed, trapped and stagnant than ever.

As a global community, when we have experienced struggle through economic crisis, political dilemma, environmental disaster or cultural shocks, people turned to the healers, the medicine people, the body workers, the spiritual leaders to provide relief and healing. And now, we cannot step in to serve our communities.

I am in this too. I miss my body workers, my tribe of healers who nurture my healing. I yearn for giving and receiving hugs! I crave social dancing with my community!

How have you been coping with the lack of touch in the last few weeks of this upturning and sudden halt of our community’s physical connections?

Do you miss h u g s ? Handshakes? Holding hands? Gentle back rubs when a friend embraces you? A squeeze to your forearm or shoulder? Forehead to forehead? Nose to nose? A kiss on one cheek? Two kisses? Three? 20 second hugs to let that oxytocin flow? Those long, warm hugs where you can both take a long, slow deep breath together?

People in new or old relationships (of any kind) – how are you doing with the lack of intimate touch with someone you have just met and were excited about getting to know them in a more intimate way? Current relationships, has your touch changed? Are you so stressed that you don’t share hugs and intimacy as before or has this opportunity to rest, breathe and be together been positive in giving your partnership more time for touch and connection?

Those who were on the path to recovery and healing, how are you doing with the sudden halt of your healing or physical therapy sessions? Do you consider other options of rehabilitation? A form of energy work? How do you feel about not receiving the kind of touch that allows you to surrender and receive healing?

Social dancers, I know many of you fulfill your touch needs and connection through partner dancing. How are you doing with not taking classes weekly and gathering to dance regularly? Dancers, do you miss your teacher making corrections to your posture or technique – bringing awareness to where you can improve? This is all touch. Do you feel it in your body now? Your body stores that touch. Take a moment and reflect.

I know there are many other situations where touch is no longer present. It is different for each of us since we all have different levels of comfort with touch and are grieving its absence in our own way.

What are ways we can increase touch during this time?

Self-touch in all the ways, for all ages and genders:

* Indulge in taking your time to apply a body oil, touching every part of your skin, face, hair…

* Self-massage

* Wrap your arms around yourself for a good, long hug!

* Body talk – while doing any self massage or applying oil, talk to your body, thank your body

* Incorporate some movement into your day – through freeflow dance or yoga or an activity that you can slow down and practice greater mindfulness of your body

* If you have access to other people through your living situation, take the opportunity to give more touch (given that you have consent to do so). Check in. Cuddle. Rub each other’s back, hands, feet or play with each other’s hair (didn’t some of us enjoy this as children?)

* Through meditation and breathwork, listen to your body – where are the areas of tension, trapped emotion, or longing for touch – when we work on releasing that which is trapped, our needs shift

Ultimately, nothing may replace receiving human touch from someone else, but we can do our best to practice S E L F – L O V E and initiate whatever healing we require, from within.


We are being asked to stop a lot of the interactions that our social human nature needs to thrive: community, being in nature, creating an impact through our work/vocation and, t o u c h.

Perhaps we are being asked to each go within. Healers included. To go within, find quiet, find stillness, and listen to what our body and soul are saying to us. Now that some of the noise of our lives is slowed or stopped, there is space for us to hear what our inner self has to say.

May we listen.

May we use this time to make the necessary shifts being asked of us.

May we shed the old skin of fear, of distractions, of unhealthy habits.

May we enter the post-trauma period as a new person, honouring our highest self and our highest purpose.

Will we cross through this portal and transcend from the needs of our physical bodies to that of our soul?

May it be so.

Blessings, Love & Light,

| V a l e n t i n a V e r a |

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