A loving reminder to set an intention to maintain and open heart. Some of these concepts might be new for some…and some who are familiar with the higher realms, might feel I’m bypassing by going here…but actually, I’ve had over a year of deep, intentional processing, integrating, and still working on it. This was a serious karmic contract, and it took me through some deep toxic shit…so I know I’m not spiritually bypassing by sharing my divine perspective of this crazy experience.
If you have no idea which recent karmic contract I’m referring to, I invite you to read Part One. Aside from this particular relationship, the story and contracts between myself and my chosen parents in this lifetime, have also been beautifully impactful teachers on this journey.
This piece has several sections. Probably one of the most important pieces I’ve written since writing about the stories of my parents’ deaths.
In a time where our attention spans are groomed to be less and less, I deeply appreciate your presence in reading this…fully or in parts at your own pace.
To provide some context, I was born in Pakistan (raised in Canada) and grew up in a Roman Catholic family – the most strict of the Christian lineage. So, to expand my awareness into the ideas of soul contracts, and reincarnations…is maybe way beyond what many Catholics would be open to. Grieving the death of my mother brought me to explore answers that my Catholic framework didn’t provide or seem complete. This led to an encounter with a shaman in Nova Scotia who completely blew open my world view on biological families as he introduced to me the idea of our soul family. You can read about my journey through grief here. Below is a short explanation of soul contracts and what the shaman was referring to as soul family.
What is a Soul Contract?
According to Dolores Cannon’s extensive work of past-life regression, we learn that many souls make pre-birth agreements with other souls about playing specific and significant and often pivotal roles in each others Earthly lives. This intricate tapestry of pre-chosen relationships forms an essential part of that Soul’s evolutionary path. Her work also shares the concept of soul groups – clusters of souls that repeatedly incarnate together, assuming various roles in each other’s lives. These groups are bound by deep spiritual connections, often forged over many lifetimes. A member of your soul group could appear as a family member in one life, a close friend in another, or even a challenging adversary in another. The roles are diverse, but the purpose remains consistent- to support in mutual spiritual growth and leaning. While it’s comforting to think of our soul groups as sources of support and love, they are also the ones who often present us with our hardest lessons. Through her regression sessions, Cannon found that it’s not uncommon for souls to agree to adopt roles that may seem negative: the critical/toxic parent, the unfaithful partner, the unfair boss – but these roles are chosen for the profound lessons they bring. These challenging interactions push us to grow as we learn the art of forgiveness, develop resilience and understand the complexities of love and compassion. Canon’s work suggests that these difficult relationships are not punishments or random misfortunes, but are instead soul contracts entered into out of love and deep desire for mutual evolution. Each interaction, be in nurturing or challenging is an opportunity for learning and growth and they are designed to help us overcome personal hurdles, heal past traumas and evolve spiritually. (Paraphrased from here, but similar words from those who have studied her work).
To go into more specifics of different kinds of contracts, I found this article helpful. There is a lot of similar information online and in books, but this was a good article.
Transcribing Living Memory: Sometimes the agreement you made with another soul is that they would come to teach you how to love yourself.
In 2021, I participated in a workshop with my dear sister Victoria Rose; a journey into my own birth in this lifetime and uncovered some precious information about why I’m here in this lifetime, why I chose the parents I chose and my greater purpose. What was revealed to me instantly shifted everything around my perspective of my parents and opened a door to even deeper compassion for them and many other relationships in my life. Note: I choose the word, compassion, not forgiveness (in the sense that most of society has imprinted this word), because I have a different perspective of what we name forgiveness, which I will touch on in future writings.
In this journey of transcribing my birth, My soul, my pure essence, travelled through space time and we went into the moments of preconception, where I observed the humans who were to be my parents, before they had even met each other; the moments where I was curious about what we as souls could exchange and offer each other…some research before creating contracts/agreements.
I share these personal insights, direct from my journal, with deep devotion to all of us on this journey home to ourselves:
Insight from my meeting my mother’s soul consciousness: I will teach you about resilience and Love, unconditional love. And above all, not to settle.
Insight from meeting my fathers’s soul consciousness: I’ll also show you love, but I won’t make it easy. (You can read about my journey with my father and the gift if his death here)
Insight from their relationship to be: what not to do in a marriage, question everything about marriage and union. Our relationships with each other and ourselves, are a reflection of our relationship to Gaia, Mother Earth. Ironically, As I was writing this essay this year, my story evolved to this very theme…I hadn’t looked at my notebook from that Transcribing journey in years…so coming back to write Part Three, I am smiling too myself as I read my insights! This is exactly what Part Four will be exploring! I’m excited as it feels like I’ve come around to another point of this spiral (not full circle, because it’s never complete – the journey is infinite!).
Although it was certainly a difficult (yet clear) decision to terminate the pregnancy, I had a deep sense that I was making several decisions that my mother didn’t (for whatever reason). She had the opportunity to leave my dad, get a divorce (even though in Pakistan’s Catholic communities it was uncommon at the time). She had the option to leave him before my brother came along…and so many times here in Canada…yet for whatever mysterious reasons, she was trapped and didn’t leave.
I’ve reflected on her health, all the miscarriages, all the stress that led to her irreversible pulmonary condition, and eventually her death. Her lessons for me, yes were unconditional love and don’t settle, but maybe also no boundaries…so unconditional love + no boundaries = illness. She couldn’t find her way out in an active, intentional way, and I believe she subconsciously created her disease as her exit because she was so deeply trapped by my father’s energy. I feel that my decisions to leave this man from last year, to choose death, was death in more than one way and for more than just me, but my lineage.
This past karmic lover / soul mate / my father / different friendships – you were all my mirror. Thank you for showing me where I needed to love mySelf.
The Strength of the Antagonist Soul: a Shout-out to the “Bad Guys”
This may seem extreme and unpopular to some, especially to anyone who has been in a victim dynamic.
If you consider what I shared above from Dolores Cannon – that within these soul families and groups, we created agreements that may be perceived as “negative” to the human who has been conditioned in this polarity of good/bad. Even though our human experience may perceive it as awful and painful, our soul knows that it is ok, that there is a greater lesson in the big picture. Those who have a religious filter may see this as God’s plan; that there is a blessing in everything, a silver lining.
That being said, let’s consider the souls who must “play” these roles for us…as we for them in other lifetimes. It takes courage to play the “bad guy” and I’ve learned through my childhood experiences family relationships, and many politicians, to have compassion and keep working at having compassion for these humans, who are really souls, who took on the great task of playing the bad guy in this lifetime. It doesn’t take them off the hook – we still all have free will and lessons for the soul to attain in this lifetime, so there is always room to make better decisions to end our karmic contracts and past life “fails”… (or we will come back to repeat scenarios until we learn the lessons…does that sound familiar to you?).
But for each of us, we require this polarity, this contrast to exist – it is, we are, all part of this very intricate, complex and dynamic design, that is constantly moving, evolving as each of us makes a decision, or has a feeling/experience that changes the entire fabric in every moment. That is pretty powerful, isn’t it? We are that powerful!
So, although the “bad guys” bring us some awful experiences, may we expand greater compassion to them…otherwise, we will never find healing on this planet. The wounds (paradigms of pain, control and power) will continue and the patterns of trauma will repeat. Let us feel, teach and promote compassion…it will take everyone to a different place of understanding the “other”, which is really another version of Us, experiencing ourselves as the “other”… Life, and the Universe could and can profoundly shift from victim and defence and vengeance, to actual peace and harmony within our communities.
Spirit Baby: the Messenger.
As I shared above, there is a mutual understanding between two souls who are seeking to fulfill a mission. Unconsciously in this life, in this vessel, we don’t always know that we are having these encounters with our soul contracts – sometimes we do have an intuition about a soul mate and sometimes we might feel that something is just a coincidence…yet, is it? Or have we just forgotten these agreements?
After I processed my decision to terminate the pregnancy, I went through a deep journey that led me to an inner knowing that this soul chose to come into form to be the ultimate red flag for my consciousness to “wake the fuck up” and take action in my situation. I knew I didn’t want to bring a child into a toxic relationship or be a stressed, unhealthy and unhappy mother – I knew there is a lot more responsibility in bringing a child into this world than just following through with a pregnancy (that was very stressful and not healthy for myself or this child from the start!). And I knew (even though it took time to realize and figure out)…that I tied my worthiness to how others treated me, and ultimately, this whole scenario was a deep lesson in Self-Love (self-choosing, self first-ing). This soul also had a purpose it needed to fulfill and whatever its needs were, I am grateful for it to have had the courage to come into form, to choose me as well, and to journey through this with me. I still grieved, and I still processed my guilt of having to end its life. I still honoured it in a beautiful ceremony and continue to hold its lessons in my bones.
So, Why do we need all these lessons?
Sorry if this may blow your mind, but fyi, we have the potential within each one of us to become our own star system or universe!
Our Soul is constantly seeking expansion. Each of us is a Soul fractal of Source, of Creator. Expansion doesn’t mean only positive experiences. Expansion comes from a rich, full-spectrum experience in this duality, this universe of contrasts. This opportunity to be so divine yet have a human lifetime, is a special invitation and takes a courageous soul to be here and now! Ultimately, I believe that we are One – all our experiences, each moment, each breath, each life and death, are sending feedback to Creator. When we have an experience, it is “uploaded to the cloud” of collective consciousness – and that is why over a lifetime, or generation of humans, we start to evolve as a group – new concepts and paradigms can be brought to awareness and embodied. It’s not just a saying “there’s something in the air” – that”air” is “Aether (ether)” and Aether is the stuff that makes (empty) space…fills everything and is has many names, the field of consciousness, the Morphic Field. It is in this field that we are connected – in the quantum. There are many studies already providing evidence of aether, quantum entanglement and the quantum vacuum in which we exist…the most simple example could be when you think of someone and suddenly, you might see or hear from them…it’s not magic or a coincidence. We are all connected, across all of space time; it’s simply a matter of tuning into the frequency of that layer/realm/dimension of existence – like turning the dial on a radio to shift into that frequency. More and more of us are innerstanding these very innate abilities, coded into our intricate Divine-Human blueprint .
Each lifetime on Earth and through the cosmos, gives our Soul fractal an opportunity to gain the knowledge and wisdom to perhaps come back as a spiritual master to assist other souls (as our angels and ascended masters do), or if we attain a level of mastery, we can create our own Universe.
My story of betrayal/lessons in self-worth in Part One goes beyond into the whys of people’s actions. Sure we can say, we had a karmic contract that had to play out…but still, we are human and have free will…so how that contract plays out, still has the human freewill component fully. Why do we treat each other this way? Why can’t we face our shadows? Even in a time when shadow work is really encouraged and supported? Why are so many still in survival mode…and so on? It is a complicated entanglement of initiations.
And my soul yes, sees the karmic contracts, feels unconditional love for these other souls… my soul is also affected emotionally…so although it now knows betrayal, it also knows the depth to which I can love and feel, and also set boundaries; to have greatest wisdom through discernment and free myself of shame and guilt, and also have even greater compassion for these people.
For my human, it absolutely sucked while I was in it – the hurt. We chose this human vessel for the exquisite five senses we get to experience with it and heartache, betrayal and pain are certainly felt in this vessel! The vessel is the feeler, the sensing one. There’s been an impact and trauma, that I am still working through, yet at a soul level, I know this experience was presented to grow me into the version that needs to have these aspects (lessons, boundaries), so I may fully show up for what I’m here to do/be.
I acknowledge that there are parts of me that called in these experiences to take steps to remember my wholeness, and learn whatever my soul needed to learn, either for my soul itself, or my lineage. I still have a lot of inner work to grow through, like taking responsibility and undoing the patterns of narcissism and survival programmed in me by my parents or Pakistani lineage, and choosing to cultivate the life that is most aligned, and in my Soul’s highest purpose.
To all the souls who have been a part of this cosmic family – thank you for being on this journey with me. Thanks for having the courage to play these aspects in this lifetime and bringing alive other aspects of my Being.
There is a liberation in feeling it all. The exhale of expansion. The space that is created when we surrender to that exhale, that lesson…and the moment into between, before the inhale, is where the magic lies; it’s the moment of void, before rebirth, before beauty, and joy. I am in that moment. In the beauty of the void.
I offer my deep gratitude to you for reading. I’ve never shared these thoughts publicly and especially about my personal experiences in this lifetime. I bow to you with grace and honour if this didn’t resonate and you still kept reading. Thanks for your presence.
With gratitude,
Audrey
Resources
Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss
Dolores Cannon’s talks on Soul Contracts (several on YouTube) and even her life after death talks.
Transcribing Living Memory (revisiting your birth in this lifetime): https://luminousbirth.earth/transcribe
Fresh & Powerful Words on Abortion: https://carlyrae.circle.so/c/open-community/abortion-our-collective-disembodiment I will definitely be writing more about my experience and include more resources for support especially as you walk the journey. For now, this particular piece, written by strong woman Carly Rae, has just been released and it couldn’t speak louder truth to my experience!
Family Constellations Therapy
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